Fan Questions #1

I asked my fans to hit me with their questions and here is what I got. Enjoy the safe version of “Fan Questions” (the naughty version will be coming soon).

1. top 5 songs to take selfies to

I generally don’t play music when taking selfies, but, hang on… all my clips are self shot so TECHNICALLY they are selfies! I have the most eclectic music taste, so brace yourself for the songs I love to play in the background while I am making content:

  1. Triumph – The Wu-Tang Clan featuring Cappadonna
  2. Room A Thousand Years Wide – Soundgarden
  3. Curmudgeon – Nirvana
  4. No Pity For A Coward – Suicide Silence
  5. Turn It Up – Busta Rhymes

Don’t judge me… I was a musician in a past life so I have a very very broad and unusual combination of musical loves, but these 5 tracks pretty much cover the kind of stuff I enjoy listening to and that get me inspired to make stuff.

2. what do you consider to be your best real life learning experience over the past year?

Good question. I have had alot of great experiences this year that have helped me grow, but the one that had the most impact involved my vanilla work life. I have been striving to progress in the organisation I currently work in and won a coveted position in a very high profile project. I was extremely excited by the potential gains from this employment, but it turned into a literal nightmare. I was reporting to a person who was a narcissist of the highest order, who absolutely slammed my experience, skills, knowledge and confidence on a daily basis. When the three month contract came to an end, I was incredibly relieved (I actually had a countdown calendar for the last month in the 7th layer of hell). Not only was I relieved, but it actually played havoc with my mental health for months afterwards, and the team and boss I went back to were incredibly gentle and caring as I recovered. What was the lesson I learnt? There is nothing that compares to having control in what you do and being surrounded by people who are supporting and encouraging. This experience made me realise that I actually don’t want to progress in the corporate world. I am much happier riding along in my position and building my business to a point where I can quit my job and make adult content full time. In my vanilla job, I will always be under someones thumb, and you can never guarantee that that person will use their power for good instead of malice.

3. do you have a dream job?

Fitting that this question should follow the one above. My “dream job” has changed so much over my life and I expect it will continue to change as I get older and more cynical. There are specific things which give me great joy and that I have done in one form or another as work (making art, playing music, helping people, academia, animals and nature). I think the main thing is that I want a job where I don’t have to worry about making enough money to cover the things I want to do and that gives me the control in when/where/how I work. That is the real dream. I am currently enjoying my vanilla work as well as developing my adult content creation business. If I could solely do adult industry work and drop the other, I would have no hesitation in doing so. But, I must admit I like the comfort of a paycheck that I can rely upon. So until I am at a stage where I don’t have to worry about making enough to make ends meet, I will juggle the two.

4. what are you most afraid of?

This is going to sound very strange but you asked so I shall tell you. I am extremely afraid of small dead animals, particularly mice. I think this particular phobia came about as I grew up on a horse stud and we had a year when we had a mouse plague. If you have never had the honour of being present during such an event, honestly, count yourself lucky. We would open bags of horsefeed and have 10 – 20 mice jump out. Our sheds were full of them, and there were times when the ground was covered like a living, moving carpet. It was useless setting traditional traps so we rigged up some things to capture and kill as many mice as possible overnight. One of these things was a 44 gallon drum of water, which enticed the mice to climb on a tightrope type thing and then fall into the water and drown. We would kill 70 – 100 mice like this per night. Finding dead mice where you least expected them also happened regularly. I am pretty sure that this is the source of this phobia.

5. tell the story about the bedframe…

Once upon a time, I was dating a dude when I came upon the info that he was dating multiple women in town and across the globe, unbeknowst to any of them. I sorted out my commitments for the day, then went down to his sharehouse and knocked on the door till I was let in by his housemate. I removed all the items that I wanted to keep from the room that I had fully furnished before removing the mattress that I had purchased for him and smashing his bed. When he came to ask me what I was doing, I told him that if if he ever tried to speak to me again, I would slit his throat. When he began panhandling on the internet for a new bed, citing his crazy “friend” as the reason for his sleeping on the floor with no bedding, the Rem Sequence shitshow swung into action and shut his ass down, to the point where he deleted all his social media accounts. I will not be lied to, have my time wasted or made to look like a fool. He did all three, and got off relatively lightly. I bruised the bone in my ankle quite badly, where it took several weeks before I could walk properly again. I say that is a small price to pay to put a loser in his place. It is an example of how restrained I can be, in that his face did not end up in pieces on the floor.

6. what are some things you do to take care of yourself, when you have “you” time?

Quite honestly, this is not something I do enough of! I always put it off because I am “too busy”, but I am finding more and more that if I don’t stop and do something nice for myself, I end up feeling very dark about the world. I practice taekwondo regularly which is a good self care activity. I makes me stop and be very very present. Because if I am not, I end up getting kicked in the face. The other thing I am getting back into right now is colouring in. I used to love it, and I would have a tonne of different books, sheets and pencils/textas/crayons to colour in with. I still have alot of supplies, and the other day when I needed some mental space, I decided to drag my stuff out and I loved it!

7. what is your favourite comfort book? what do you read when you need to de-stress?

Reading is one thing I do every single day to relax before bed. I read for at least an hour a day and I guarantee that is where my skill of speed reading and my infinite store of irrelevant facts comes from. I have written another blog posts on my favourite authors which you should check out for a bit more detail on what I enjoy reading. But the books I love and that I read over and over and over again because they are so enjoyable and relaxing are mostly horror novels; “The Shining” by Stephen King, “Dracula” by Bram Stoker, “Frankenstein” by Mary Shelley are a few I read every year. But there are also some obscure books that I love and are in annual rotation; “Perfume” by Patrick Suskind, “Crash” by JG Ballard and “In Cold Blood” by Truman Capote are amazing pieces of literature that I come back to all the time.

8. which one of your tattoos is your favourite?

I would have to say my favourite tattoo is my owl on my inner right forearm. He is just so beautifully drawn with amazing detail. He is an otherwordly owl, sitting on the skull of another bird. I was inspired to get him in that spot after having a dream about my tattooist tattooing him in that position. When you do some research on owls, you will find they are an extremely powerful symbol of intuition, and are also considered to be the gatekeepers of the other realm. It was a pretty memorable dream for me, and obviously something my subconscious was forcing me to acknowledge. So that back story coupled with how beautiful the design turned out makes it my favourite tattoos. But I do have a soft spot for birds of prey, so the eagle on my chest may just become my new favourite. We will see once that piece is done…

9. who would you like to work with and why?

There are so many creative people I would love to work with in the adult industry. Not just models, but photographers, videographers and other production companies. In the US, there is my number 1 crush @thelwoolf, Michael Ramos of Broken Dreams studios and the guys of Developredeye Photography. My arty weirdness is drawn moreso to creatives in Europe including Sascha Billig, Dollhouse Photography, Peacemaker Art, Gunther Florennes and Dassy DX. I am on a mission to get to Europe in 2020 so that I can work with a bunch of these people and more. Visit my gofund me as part of my ManyVids services page to contribute and help me get there!

10. Why do men?

There is too much in the answer for this question to do it justice in a single paragraph of a blog post. It deserves an entire post dedicated to explaining why I continue to enjoy the company of men when they are so problematic in so many ways. Stay tuned for that one.


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I am a Horny Bookworm…

Reading is how we upload new software into our heads…

I love reading. Ever since I can remember, I have had my face in a book. Libraries are some of my favourite places, but I also can’t go past a second-hand bookstore. There is something I get out of reading that no other activity can satisfy. The creation of internal worlds via words printed on a page has always seemed magical to me. The power of a book belies its unassuming exterior. The time I mainly read is before bed. I like to get in at least an hour a day. This level of reading for three decades has enabled me to read very fast, and yet still comprehend what I am looking at. Reading is definitely part of my nighttime routine and if I don’t do it, I feel completely out of whack. I read anything and everything, but here are my top five authors at this present time.

Ernest Hemingway

Hemingway is definitely in my top five. I have been in love with his writing since my teens. Yes, he is a misogynist, violently rejecting anything feminine, but his writing actually magnifies his vulnerability and I hear so much emotional pain and longing whenever I read him. It is a bizarre juxtaposition. My favourite books of his are “Fiesta (The Sun Also Rises)” and “The Old Man and The Sea.”

Stephen King

I am a horror fanatic, in movies, TV shows and books, and no one can write the genre better than Stephen King. His harnessing of the scary elements of everyday life is so effortless. The characters he creates, and the relationships between them, come to life so swiftly, that it only takes a couple of pages before I am whisked away. His writing is so well crafted that there are no missteps. My favourites of his are “The Shining” and “Needful Things” (although it kills me to whittle it down to two!).

John Updike

John Updike has such beautifully descriptive prose and painfully vulnerable characters. It is hard to describe his style, but his books always leave me with a feeling of awe at his ability to capture emotion in everyday stories. The way he describes sex is just amazing and incredibly unique. My favourites of his are “The Centaur” and “Men and Women.”

Mo Hayder

I came upon Mo Hayder by chance. I was reading another crime novel and her name was a suggested reading (“If you liked this book, you may also like…”). Her style is thrilling and intense, following incredibly horrific cases her detectives pick up. Her books, which I cannot stop thinking about are “Skin” and “Tokyo.”

Clive Barker

Finally, Clive Barker. An absolute horror mastermind with stories created in a complex and multidimensional world. His “Hellbound Heart” was the basis of the iconic “Hellraiser” franchise but many may not know his haunting and gripping style of story telling. One of the absolute masters of the genre, you must check out his “Books of Blood” including “The Midnight Meat Train.”

I cannot help but mention these authors who have had a lasting impact on me and are well worth the read: JG Ballard, Anais Nin, Gustav Flaubert, Franz Kafka, Albert Camus, Mary Shelley, Ian McEwan, George Orwell, Edgar Allen Poe, Truman Capote and Daphne du Maurier.