I have written a previous blog post about the problems I encounter having a big booty and particular items of clothing. However, big booty problems come in many forms, and this post will focus on the physical things in the world I have to negotiate when I take all the junk in my trunk out to play. Here are my top 5 Big Booty Problems – Environmental Factors.
Seats
I have a 40 inch hip circumference. Which requires Australian size 16 pants/bottoms/panties to fit it. That is absurd. Bigger than most other people. Therefore things that are designed for the general public just don’t fit me. Take seats, for example. Sometimes it is an aggressively tight fit, especially when there are arms involved in the furniture. Whilst getting into the seat is an issue, getting out is a major tactical manoeuvre. Generally not pretty because having this big beautiful booty crammed into a small space is not comfortable and it take a while to work the kinks out. I leave the vicinity with serious cramps and stiffness. And don’t get me started on stools… They are simply not big enough for my whole ass to fit on. I start spilling off the side like a cupcake baking in the oven and rising up over the sides.
walking past things
Have you ever carried a whole bunch of things and had to walk past furniture? You know how you have to be really careful that your bags or boxes or whatever don’t sweep everything off a table or buffet? Well… welcome to my life. Except I am carrying my bags/boxes on my person, all day, every day. I have knocked things off of tables before, and going into shops is a bit of a nightmare at times, because if I turn around without due care, I am taking a whole bunch of items with me. And the excuse of “well, my ass is extraordinarily big” just doesn’t cut it with shop owners who have just lost $100 of glassware. Because it is my butt that pokes out the back, on top of my very long legs, it has the extraordinary ability to get on top of tables and sweep them clean well before I am aware that anything is in danger.
walking through things
Walking through things can be problematic also. Think doorways. My jeans, pockets and skirts get caught on door handles and door furniture ALOT. That is because my width is greater than most of these things are meant to accommodate. I got to be careful not to swing around midway through the door, otherwise it is all over, red rover. You would be surprised to know how often my hips, butt and thighs get bruised and scratched up just from running into fixed things like doors, poles, tables. I am pretty good at gauging what size the opening can accommodate, but other times, especially if I am in a rush, I just bang into everything. Also, have a think about me trying to get through aisles in theatres. The booty or crotch conundrum doesn’t apply here; you will either get my ass in your face or making contact with the back of your head.
crowds
Speaking of my butt making contact with people, the ultimate environmental factor to negotiate is crowds. I like my butt being touched but not by every freaking random person at a concert or shopping centre. I am constantly apologising to people who getting inadvertantly bumped by huge ass bump. Whether it is doing the sideways crawl through a crowd where I wipe a whole row of people with both cheeks, or a stop suddenly and the person behind me rams me despite leaving plenty of space between. I feel like I need a reversing alarm for when I need to back up, just to alert people that this wide load is on the move and anything could happen.
buying clothes
I have talked about this before in a previous post, but buying clothing that fits properly is a legitimate issue. Doesn’t matter if it is jeans, pants, underwear, skirts or tights, things just do not fit. I have a 40 inch hip circumference but a 35 inch waist, plus long ass legs and thick thighs. You do the math. It is a major problem. Things may fit my butt into them but then they are super loose around the waist. Or the legs are long enough but it is loose everywhere else. Once I have found something that fits, the next issue is keeping it all in shape. My ass S T R E T C H E S clothes out, till the material is ghostly thin and rips at the slightest booty pop. I go through alot of underwear because it is hard keeping everything fitting nice. No wonder I like thongs and not wearing pants so much…
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