Adult Content Creator - Rem Sequence Official

Ego Destroyer Inc

The idea for Ego Destroyer Inc was developed after a long history of naming, shaming and berating mediocre men on my Instagram account. The concept of destroying the egos of men who come into contact with me started off as a bit of a joke before taking on a life of its own. It inspired me to develop this whole series of clips, which traverse the boundaries between femdom, findom and taboo genres. Here is my current offering in the Ego Destroyer Inc series.

The Spittoon – $9.99

This is where it all began…. “The Spittoon” was the first clip in my Ego Destroyer Inc series and was inspired by an idea of one of my regular custom clip clients. It is time to kneel and open wide because all your filthy mouth is useful for is collecting my spit. Verbal humiliation throughout and cleverly shot so you can imagine yourself sitting at my feet.

The StepMom – $4.99

“The Stepmom” is a bit of a spin on the Ego Destroyer Inc concept. In these clips, I play your arrogant and humiliating stepmother who delights in reminding you of how useless and undesirable you are. In this first clip of the series, I remind you that I know you crave me… but you will never have me.

The Orgasm Denial – $4.99

I like to masturbate and orgasm… alot. In “The Orgasm Denial”, I will explain to you what you missed out on seeing and why you never will see it. For those who love their female domination with a healthy dose of humiliation.

the bj backfire – $9.99

Everyone loves a blowjob. Until they realise that my mouth contains teeth. In the “The BJ Backfire”, I remind you in a not so subtle way whilst I eat a delicious and scarily relevant piece of fruit.

The Asslicker – $9.99

In “The Asslicker” edition of Ego Destroyer Inc, all your useless mouth is capable of doing is cleaning my ass. Assume your rightful place and crawl into see me on the floor. It is time for you to submit to a new level of upskirting and verbal humiliation.

The Stepmom Returns – $4.99

Your stepmother is back, and once again uses her arrogant and humiliating ways to put you in your place. In “The Stepmom Returns”, she stands over you while you try to get some sun and reminds you of the position you occupy in the household.

The Challenge – $4.99

“The Challenge” is a slightly different offering in the Ego Destroyer Inc series. It is more voice/ASMR orientated. In it, you find that your boss has left you 3 length voice messages. What could she want? You listen and find that she has set you a highly unusual challenge. Will you accept?

The Panty Bust – $9.99

“The Panty Bust” is another clip featuring your stepmom. She has asked you to come into her room as she is having a bit of a problem… her underwear has been going missing and she wants your help to work out what could be happening with it. Her true motives soon become clear and once again you are in the firing line.

Do you have a fantasy I could bring to life? Consider commissioning a custom vid from me. I can be your best fantasy or your worst nightmare. You decide. Intrigued? Explore the form below for my preferred custom clip platform… take the plunge.

Did you enjoy this post? Show your appreciation by sending me a tip…

My Favourite Outfits

As you can probably guess, as a model I have alot of different outfits. Something for a variety of occasions, clips, content and requests that I need to cater to regularly. Here is my current top 5 favourite outfits that you can see me in.

1. The lingerie set in Stay High Strip

This is the face I make when I get super comfy underwear for a ridiculously low price.

The lingerie set in “Stay High Striptease” was a very very cheap set that I got from Kmart for only a couple of bucks. I always look at clearance items at department stores (these racks should be called “Struggling Sex Worker Threads”). It is comfy and it looks great. The purple lace with a light coloured inner fabric isn’t something I would normally buy, but I think it worked out alright.

2. Tan Dress in MILF Lapdance

Who needs underwear with a body like this?

I regularly look in second hand shops for outfits to use in clips and photosets. I found the dress I wore in “MILF Lapdance”, with labels still intact, at such a store for only $4. The fit is perfect, which is very surprising as I rarely find anything in these shops that fits me so well. Better yet, it makes me feel very sexy. I don’t need to wear underwear with it either so it makes me feel extra naughty when I wear it.

3. Red Lingerie

Pretty sure this Red Queen will truly enjoy inhaling your soul…

I have always been a bit conservative when it comes to clothing colours. You would be very hard pressed to find items in my wardrobe that are not black. But, I took the plunge last year and tried this red lingerie combo. I hope you agree that this is SMOKING hot. You can see me wear it in my “December Teaser” on Many Vids.

4. Strip x3 outfit

This outfit that I wore in “Strip x3” looks pretty basic; subversive tee, plus booty shorts, plus black and yellow knee high socks paired with classic 90s Fila sneakers. But I love how I look and feel in this. It is just classic Rem Sequence grunge.

5. White Jeans and conch belt

I am a pretty ordinary chick. A weirdo metal head that likes nothing better than jeans and a black tee. Maybe that isn’t so ordinary. I also love this conch belt paired with these white jeans. They just make my ass look 10/10. And if you haven’t seen my ass you should really do yourself a favour and check out one of my many ass worship vids, including “My Ass, My Crush.” I am pretty sure you will not regret it.

So many options, and not enough time to wear them all! What would you like to see me in? Please comment below, I would love to hear your thoughts.

I do have a big collection of bikinis and swimsuits… perhaps that is fodder for another post…

My Favourite Photosets

My first foray into adult content creation was via photography and making photosets. I have dabbled in photography for over 25 years, mainly photographing live bands; yes I remember the pre-digital days very clearly! I have over 30 sets available on a variety of platforms including ManyVids and My Naughty Selfies. But to help you cut through the flood of images, here are my current 5 favourite photosets that I have captured of myself…

1. Hot Shed

Hot Shed was made on a 40 degree celcius summer day in my ridiculously hot tin shed. If you look closely you can see the bucket loads of sweat dripping off of me. It was incredibly uncomfortable to shoot this whole 33 shot set on my own, from clothed to nude, but it turned out to be one of my favourite photosets.

2. Kitchen Knee Highs

Kitchen Knee Highs was one of my very first sets I shot by myself. All shots were taken with a Samsung S9, which is pretty incredible. Shows you the quality you can achieve even with amateur equipment! I love long socks whether knee high or thigh high, as I think they make my legs look so good. There are 52 pics in this set of me clothed to only wearing my red and black striped socks.

3. Sneaky

Sneaky is another photoset which was done in my shed, but this time with all the professional lights and no clothes (aside from some knee high socks and Fila sneakers). I love the way my hair, makeup and body looks in this set, hence why I use pics from this set of 61 photos as my profile pics regularly. This photoset also has matching video called “Outdoor Nude Workout” in which you get to see me squat, lunge and do pushups… all in the nude.

4. Just Pussy

The theme of this photoset is pretty clear. 106 photos handpicked from a whole bunch of my earlier photosets. I cannot believe I have this many photos of my perfect porn parts. And I have enough for a Part 2, so stay tuned for that.

5. Morning MILF

“Morning MILF” is a small set (only 29 photos) but it is one of my favourites. The light through this window is so beautiful and made for some interesting photos. This photoset also has a matching video which is equally short and also called “Morning MILF” which is just as nice on the eyes.

Visit www.remsequence.com for more info and to subscribe to my mailing list where you will receive updates, specials and freebies.

The Ten Porn Commandments… for Consumers

So my last blog post was Commandments for Content Creators. Buyers, consumers, clients, friends, supporters… this one is for you.

1. Thou shalt pay.

We are running businesses here. We want to make money. By engaging with people who don’t pay we are wasting time that could be better spent with paying clients. Also, if you are enjoying a model’s content, pay them something. $5 can actually mean the difference between us cashing out for the month or not. Can’t pay? Well, this is not hobby for you. Step aside and make way for the people who have cash.

2. Thou shalt respect boundaries.

We make boundaries for a reason, to keep ourselves feeling safe and in control. If you try to change a model’s boundaries you are telling them, in eassence, that you don’t care about them in the slightest. With such an intimate form of entertainment, respecting boundaries is even more important than in other occupations, because the hazards associated with it are huge. It could mean life or death.

3. Thou shalt respect privacy.

You are purchasing a service or content, not the right to know every little detail about the model. Privacy in this industry is so important, and like I would not invade the privacy of a consumer (finding out their real name, where they live, where they work, their marital status), you should not delve into the private life of models. This is our work, and can be very unsafe at times. Do not take our responses to invasive questions as personal; we need to tread very carefully in all domains of our lives.

4. Thou shalt provide feedback.

Sometimes, we as content creators sit in a cone of silence. People will buy content and never say anything about it; if they loved it or hated it. I personally love reviews, even if they are not 5 stars, because constructive criticism helps me grow. Like any other services tell us; good, bad or whatever. It honestly is so important.

5. Thou shalt communicate clearly, like an adult.

If you would like to purchase a service or piece of content, approach it as you would any other purchase. Abusing the seller, making them feel uncomfortable, emotionally manipulating or not asking what you want directly and succinctly is not how anyone does things. Especially if you want to develop an ongoing business relationship with someone.

6. Thou shalt understand the business if one wants to consume it.

Asking dumb questions of content creators and adult service providers is not a smart move. Not when it doesn’t take much effort to learn about the business. Learn about how the adult industry works and learn about your favourite creators. Where you can buy their content, what payment methods they prefer and how services are provided. It makes it easier for us and you, which makes for a much more enjoyable experiences.

7. Thou shalt comply with reasonable requests from models.

This one kind of follows on from the last. The kind of requests I am talking about are payment before product, their preferred payment method and times/method of delivering content/service. Make our lives easier, not harder.

8. Thou shalt not be a timewaster.

Timewasters are the bane of our existence. Our time equals money so wasting it is a serious indiscretion. We will not forget it either. It will taint any interaction with you thereafter. If in doubt, send a tip.

9. Thou shalt think before speaking.

Look, we know that when purchasing our content and speaking to us you are in a certain… state of mind. And sometimes this means you speak without thinking. But please, in order to get what we both need, just try to stop and put your thoughts together first.

10. Thou shalt not be a shit human.

Follows on from number 9 in a certain sense. Remember that you are speaking to a human with wants, needs and feelings. There is a real person on the end of your transaction who has to deal with some pretty rough behaviour every single day. Want to stand out and be remembered fondly? Want to have nice future interactions with us? Then be thoughtful and considerate. It will bode well for you.

Visit www.remsequence.com and sign up to my mailing list for updates, specials and freebies. Plus find all my links to my content for purchase.

The Ten Porn Commandments… for Independent Content Creators

Here are some things I have learnt while navigating the world of independent adult content creation. Subject to change…

1. Thou shalt always get cash first.

Do not deliver services without full payment first. Always get paid, then do the work. This industry is notorious for people who will try to get something for nothing. If someone will not pay upfront, keep on walking. I have heard every excuse in the book from potential clients and they are just that… baseless excuses.

2. Thou shalt be true to oneself.

It is tempting to look at what others are doing and try to emulate it or worse, get down on yourself because you are not like them. Personality is a huge part of this industry, and being the unique and amazing human you are will attract genuine fans your way. Sure, we can mould ourselves to fit whatever the mainstream fad is at the time, but for longevity, it is about building a brand which is consistent and true to yourself.

3. Thou shalt adopt a schedule and abide by it.

Consistent content creation is real work and real work takes planning. How much content are you planning on releasing and when? Build a schedule around this. Have dedicated time to work and dedicated time to rest. It will reduce your stress, take the pressure off of you and make sure you remain consistent.

4. Thou shalt always get high one’s own supply.

As opposed to Biggie’s commandments, you need to be able to get high on your work. You need to love what you produce. Grow to love your body and all its flaws. Accept your personality and quirks. If I create something and it doesn’t excite me, I can guarantee it will not excite my clients.

5. Thou shalt establish boundaries.

Boundaries are important, in every part of your life. Become an expert at establishing them and maintaining them. If it is your scheduled day off, don’t work and don’t let disrespectful people come in on your downtime. If you only accept a certain payment method, don’t change just because of a badgering client. If there are services you are not comfortable providing, don’t let anyone bullying you into providing them. I could do a whole blog on my experience with boundaries, and maybe I will…

6. Thou shalt make time for breaks.

This is a part of establishing a schedule. This industry is hard work and quarantining time to rest will serve you in the long run. It is mentally and emotionally not healthy to work 24/7, 365 days of the year. Be kind to yourself and schedule in breaks.

7. Thou shalt find one’s tribe.

Finding people who support you and what you do is vital. It is hard to find people in our “real lives” who understand the work we do. It is an incredibly isolating industry at times and it doesn’t need to be. Gather people around you to be your cheer squad and encouragement, especially when things get rough. Reach out to people who are likeminded and develop connections. By lifting others up, you will also be supported and develop your business.

8. Thou shalt not start drama and when one senses it, thou shalt avoid it.

It is very tempting to get involved in petty drama, including worrying about someone stealing clients, or making inappropriate clients or not being 100% honest. It is in your best interests not to concern yourself with this. Getting involved with someone else’s drama or starting it yourself is a good way to get branded as a troublemaker and unprofessional. Support your colleagues but avoid those who engage in drama. It will not serve you in the long run and is a huge waste of time in the here and now. Worry about you and your business, not the actual or perceived bad behaviour of others.

9. Thou shalt persist like one’s life depends on it.

Those who succeed and have longevity in this industry are those that are committed and keep moving forward. We all have bad days, weeks, months. We all have mediocre clients or hate-spewing trolls. We all have times we think “why the hell am I still doing this?” The key is to know that these times pass. The only way for things to get better is to hang in there. I am not saying you have to do this till the day you die; but think long and hard before deciding to quit. Take a break before making any major decisions.

10. Thou shalt know one’s business.

People think anyone can make some sexy content and make a buck or three. Wrong. There is way more to it than that. You probably know this by now, but I cannot stress it enough. Always keep open. Always try to learn more. Listen and seek advice from others. Really get knowledgeable on how platforms work, marketing, branding and production of content. It will make a huge difference not only to how you feel about the business, but your success depends upon it.

Visit www.remsequence.com for more info and to subscribe to my mailing list where you will get updates, specials and FREEBIES. I am also all over social media so come and find me to see me building my tribe, staying out of drama and knowing my business.

Acronyms… what does that mean?

Come over here… I have something to tell you…

Lots of people use acronyms nowadays. And I still get a bit lost and confused among the flood of random letters stuck together, that have some meaning that I generally miss. So to help you you out, here is a quick glossary of terms that are related to me and my work…

POV: Point of View

Point of View is generally used to describe videos which are created so that the viewer feels like they are in certain positions with the model in the vid. The most popular ones are from the angle of receiving oral sex, with the model riding on top and doggy style.

ASMR: Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response

ASMR is that spine tingling sensation that usually starts in your scalp and travels down your spine. It is usually a pleasurable experience that is triggered by different stimuli in different people. Whispering, gentle blowing with the lips and other quiet noises or physical touching can set it off. Mine is triggered by whispering into my ear. Videos that use ASMR stimuli will normally involve someone speaking to you in a very sensual and intimate way.

GFE: Girl Friend Experience

This is content or services that simulate what it is like to be in a relationship with the model. Can include vids, chat, pics. Always wanted to date an adult content creator? Well, you can.

TOS: Terms Of Service

Every clip site or app you use has Terms of Service. These are rules you have to abide by in order to use them. You are usually made to confirm them when you sign up to the site or app and the developers or admins will let you know if there are any updates while you are a user or member. These are important because if you break these rules, you may have your account deleted or restricted. Not fun.

NSFW: Not Safe For Work

Pretty self explanatory. If you look at this content in a civilian work environment you could get yourself in a lot of trouble with those around you.

SFW: Safe For Work

The opposite of NSFW.

JOI: Jerk Off Instruction

Fairly self explanatory I would hope, but these are clips that tell you what to do as opposed to you being a passive viewer to what is going on. I haven’t done much of this as yet, but it is something I want to do more of.

JOE: Jerk Off Encouragement

Sometimes JOI and JOE are used interchangeably, but in my opinion, JOE is more of a noticing that the viewer will be masturbating and encouraging them to do so. It may contain instructions but will not be as detailed and directive as JOI.

MV: Many Vids

A Canadian clip site filled with ethical porn and models from around the world. On it you can buy vids, photosets, custom content, Skype sessions and merchandise from a wide range of models and studios.

MNS: My Naughty Selfies

A UK clip site that operates on tokens. Featuring world wide models that sell vids, photosets, custom content and can sessions.

IWC: I Want Clips

This is an American clip site where models can sell a wide variety of services. Caters more so to Dommes and Domination type content, but you can find a bit of everything on here. They also have a phone sex line associated (but I can’t use it since I am in Australia.

BBW: Big Beautiful Woman

This is a category often used on clip sites and Twitter to describe models. Sometimes I am put into this category, but I think this is an error. I would say I am more curvy than BBW. I wouldn’t want to take anything away from the amazing ladies in this category by trying to insert myself into a category that I don’t belong in.

BBC: Big Black Cock

A self explanatory descriptor of male adult content models or role plays containing simulations.

I hope this has helped decipher some of the acronyms you may see floating around the interwebs when it comes to adult content. Is there an acronym you would like discussed? Put it in the comments below.

Endnote: Apologies for the long time in between blog posts. I have had some issues with computer software which put a spanner in the works, as I use the MS Office Suite to hold my drafts and links. If you would like to contribute to my computer/software update, please send a tribute via this link.

My Favourite Fetishes

What raises the hair on your neck? What covers you in goosebumps? Tell me your fantasies…

Like I have said in a previous blog post, I love making fetish content. It has helped me explore my own preferences and fetishes as well as helping others do the same. I found out things that I now enjoy that I had never had an interest in before, simply because someone asked me about it. Here are my current favourite fetishes…

Ass worship

Obviously my ass is amazing, but I had no idea about ass worship until I started making fetish content. Ass worship is an umbrella term for a number of different kinks associated with asses and bums. From ass cheek spanking, squeezing and oiling, to asshole spreading, sniffing and licking, my posterior can do it all. I love having my ass played with, so the fact others can enjoy it too is win-win.

ASMR

ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) is something I have loved and experienced for many years but didn’t realise there was a name for it. It is that tingling sensation you get on the back of your head and neck that moves into your spine in response to certain stimuli. It can be extremely pleasurable for some people, although the stimuli may vary. Whispering in my ear causes the experience for me, whilst others get it with prolonged eye contact, blowing noises with the lips or very gentle physical stimuli. I love making ASMR videos and MP3s as I nail the particular stimuli people want, and I find it soothing too.

Role play

Role play isn’t something I had done alot of before making adult content. Yes, I am actually a little boring in real life. But once the seed of fantasy was sown, I was hooked. From the naughty boss who engages in unsavoury workplace practices, to the horny party guest who gets involved in peeping tom action to the complex role plays I develop for my Ego Destroyer Inc branding, I enjoy creating fantasy worlds for my fans and am always open to new ideas.

Upskirting

At heart, I am a complete flirt who is an expert at tease and denial. And what better tease than upskirting, whether that is in panties, or panty less or whatever surprises I have hiding up my skirt. I love using different skirts too, not just short ones. I can’t imagine anything hotter than standing over someone and showing them what is under my skirt.

Religious / Taboo

I have just started doing more religious/taboo content, I have found that I love pushing those boundaries of what is comfortable. I have developed a character called Sister Rem, who I use to explore religious themes. This draws on my knowledge of religion in order to create complex stories. I have made several taboo open and custom clips which focus on the role of “mummy” which someone could experience in a variety of ways.

What are your favourite fetishes? Is there something you would like to explore? I would love to help you do this… feel free to reach out.

Visit www.remsequence.com and subscribe to my mailing list for freebies, specials and updates.

Why you need to care about censorship…

Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil…

Censorship is on the rise, particularly when it comes to the internet. In the wake of FOSTA/SESTA legislation in the US, web based platforms have had to tighten up how they do business or risk being prosecuted. I have noticed a general trend towards conservatism, and if you haven’t, then this is your wake up call. I would hope that I am preaching to the converted with those who reach my blog, but if not, no judgement. However, I really think you should continue reading as I explain why you need to care about censorship.

Safe spaces for creativity and idea generation

Censorship stifles creativity by putting boundaries on what is acceptable. Why would you think outside the box when you have no way of getting outside of it? The most interesting and useful ideas are those that initially started at as being strange or a little offensive. And this takes courage to put those ideas out there, even if we have encouraging and supportive environments. If we don’t maintain safe spaces for this kind of exploration to occur, we are seriously jeopardising any kind of advancement.

Safe spaces for personal expression

A lot of the spaces which I am seeing targeted by increasing conservative ideals are social media, which people use as a tool to express themselves. Self expression is an absolute must for good mental health and well being. If we overly control people’s public places for expressing themselves by attaching rules around acceptable and unacceptable expression, we are smothering people’s authentic emotions and thoughts. This kind of control is fertile ground for a range of issues which will express themselves in different ways. People yearn to be heard and to have their existence acknowledged. By saying, “only this kind of thought, idea, expression is valid”, you are telling people who do not fit this mould that they are not valid.

Bleeding Out

The belief that censorship affects only the things it targets is naieve to the way it operates in real life. Censorship is applied to people, topics and spaces in a highly subjective way. It has to operate in this way because the things it tries to control are in themselves subjective. That means that it will be applied mistakenly to things that do not apply, because it relies on the people in control to make a call as to if it is an appropriate application. In the wake of FOSTA/SESTA legislation a whole range of platforms and topics came under attack. Sexual education, consensual sex work and erotic art have been banished from platforms where they once flourished. This kind of censorship also affects a wide range of apps we use each day. For example, you may not know that there are terms of service you must abide by to use Skype. That sexy conversation you are having with your girlfriend while she is overseas is actually a breach of the accepted use of the platform. True story.

The Voice of the Voiceless

The expansion of censorship also has another effect not often considered. Because censorship particularly targets the views of the minority, oppressed and already disenfranchised, it silences those voices of people already struggling to gain airtime. LGBTQi people, POC, women and sex workers are already being excluded from places online because the primary issues facing them have their roots deep into issues that censorship attacks. Sex positivity, sexual expression, and gender equality all fall victim to censorship which does not encourage conversation around their topics.

Connectedness

When we stop people sharing and talking about things which motivate them, we are installing walls around them, creating silos instead of fostering connection. If your goal is to create a disconnected society where people cannot band together for support, information sharing and encouragement, then censorship is a perfect tool to ensure these things cannot happen. And this should frighten everyone. Because why would we want this to happen? Why would we be so concerned about potentially offending someone when the consequence of protecting people from offence is isolation and silencing of individuals?

So, if you enjoy meeting likeminded people, seeing sexy videos, experiencing groundbreaking art, talking to your loved ones in your underwear on video calls, then you really need to care about censorship. Aside from all the reasons I have presented here. Just saying…

I am a Horny Bookworm…

Reading is how we upload new software into our heads…

I love reading. Ever since I can remember, I have had my face in a book. Libraries are some of my favourite places, but I also can’t go past a second-hand bookstore. There is something I get out of reading that no other activity can satisfy. The creation of internal worlds via words printed on a page has always seemed magical to me. The power of a book belies its unassuming exterior. The time I mainly read is before bed. I like to get in at least an hour a day. This level of reading for three decades has enabled me to read very fast, and yet still comprehend what I am looking at. Reading is definitely part of my nighttime routine and if I don’t do it, I feel completely out of whack. I read anything and everything, but here are my top five authors at this present time.

Ernest Hemingway

Hemingway is definitely in my top five. I have been in love with his writing since my teens. Yes, he is a misogynist, violently rejecting anything feminine, but his writing actually magnifies his vulnerability and I hear so much emotional pain and longing whenever I read him. It is a bizarre juxtaposition. My favourite books of his are “Fiesta (The Sun Also Rises)” and “The Old Man and The Sea.”

Stephen King

I am a horror fanatic, in movies, TV shows and books, and no one can write the genre better than Stephen King. His harnessing of the scary elements of everyday life is so effortless. The characters he creates, and the relationships between them, come to life so swiftly, that it only takes a couple of pages before I am whisked away. His writing is so well crafted that there are no missteps. My favourites of his are “The Shining” and “Needful Things” (although it kills me to whittle it down to two!).

John Updike

John Updike has such beautifully descriptive prose and painfully vulnerable characters. It is hard to describe his style, but his books always leave me with a feeling of awe at his ability to capture emotion in everyday stories. The way he describes sex is just amazing and incredibly unique. My favourites of his are “The Centaur” and “Men and Women.”

Mo Hayder

I came upon Mo Hayder by chance. I was reading another crime novel and her name was a suggested reading (“If you liked this book, you may also like…”). Her style is thrilling and intense, following incredibly horrific cases her detectives pick up. Her books, which I cannot stop thinking about are “Skin” and “Tokyo.”

Clive Barker

Finally, Clive Barker. An absolute horror mastermind with stories created in a complex and multidimensional world. His “Hellbound Heart” was the basis of the iconic “Hellraiser” franchise but many may not know his haunting and gripping style of story telling. One of the absolute masters of the genre, you must check out his “Books of Blood” including “The Midnight Meat Train.”

I cannot help but mention these authors who have had a lasting impact on me and are well worth the read: JG Ballard, Anais Nin, Gustav Flaubert, Franz Kafka, Albert Camus, Mary Shelley, Ian McEwan, George Orwell, Edgar Allen Poe, Truman Capote and Daphne du Maurier.

What Sex Work Has Taught Me About Relationships

Making friends and influencing people the Rem Sequence way…

To be perfectly honest, when I came into sex work, I had had some pretty rough life experiences involving people. Being raised by sociopaths and having 2 long term relationships with abusive men will do that to you. Sex work has given me insight into the workings of people that, in the past, I took personally and never really understood. I don’t just mean as a woman relating to men, but with people in general. I have learned things about people and how we relate to eachother in a sexual context that I knew on a theoretical level, but these concepts have finally sunk in. Here are 5 very useful things I have learnt about relationships from doing sex work…

Boundaries are important and negotiating them is a fine art

When you are a sex worker, you need to have firm boundaries. You have to know what you are willing to do and what you are not and not waver on this. There are a lot of factors in play though; you want to keep clients or develop trust with them, you want to make money, you want to remain safe. People will put pressure on you to change those boundaries if changing them will suit them better. But as with all relationships, sticking to your boundaries will help you in the long run, despite it being uncomfortable in the short term. For example, I will not respond to unsolicited messages without a cash tribute first. Some requesters do not respond to this well, but in the long term it saves me time talking to people who have no interest in spending money.

When people are hurt or embarassed, they will say stupid things

Following on from my point above, when you enforce your boundaries, some people don’t take this so well. Generally that is because they are hurt or embarassed by being rejected or being told no; they haven’t developed enough insight to accept responsibility for this so will lash out instead. With some people, it doesn’t matter how polite you are in saying no, they will be so hurt they will say stupid things like “you are ugly anyway.” Cool story, bro. But your response is illogical. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter who someone is, I don’t waste my time hand-holding people through their emotions. Unless they are paying me, that is…

People come and go… and come again; that is ok

Coming from a background of trauma and abuse, I am the first to admit that I have issues with abandonment. Sex work had taught me that people can come on very hot and heavy… but then be gone in the next 5 minutes. Maybe you will have radio silence for 5 months and then… BAM. They are back again, just as hot and heavy. This is not anything about me personally, but is about where people are at in their own lives. It helps me now to have no expectations about people. The fact is that people will say all kinds of things, and it doesn’t mean they are true or that they will happen. I trust actions, combined with patterns, above all else.

We all have preferences; you don’t know what they are till you try

Lots of people are locked into certain patterns of behaviour because they are comfortable and known. Thinking about other ways of being is foreign and a bit scary. But, it doesn’t mean those other ways of being might actually be your preference. In this instance, I am talking about domination and submission. Some people have never role played these positions so have never experienced them. Many people tell me, well, I am a dominant. Are you really? Or is opposite a bit scary? If you could explore this with someone you could trust, would you?

Societal norms about relationships are social constructions

You know how we think monogamy is a natural state for humans? And how we put so much emphasis on finding that one person to complete us? None of this natural. It is also how we have been conditioned since very young to view our intimate relationships. I believe it is used to maintain control of citizens as opposed to anything natural (more on this another time…). Sex work has shown me how relationships can be constructed differently, given open communication and opportunity to try different things. Love and sex are not the same things and are mutually exclusive. Society says otherwise which is extremely limiting for people who subscribe to this belief. It stops people being honest with themselves and eachother, which overall is unhealthy and unnecessary.

Sex work is many things, but I never expected it to change so many of my beliefs and assumptions. Intrigued to learn more? Then come over and say hi…